My Commute Is a Nightmare. I’m Using It to Practice Mindfulness.

The first couple of years I lived in London, I couldn’t believe my luck. I loved the beauty of the Victorian buildings where most of my friends lived and the ornate architecture that casually housed H&Ms and Shake Shacks. I loved the endless access to culture— indie cinemas, endless concerts, historic theaters, and equally historic bookstores. Relatedly, and as a recent Los Angeles transplant, I loved the public transport and the way I could easily and cheaply get anywhere I wanted and have the time and space to read my book. I loved that walking to my destination wasn’t just possible, it was actively encouraged—if you weren’t in a rush, that is.

But as time passed and I became more familiar with my new hometown, I could no longer see the breathtaking H&Ms and Shake Shacks. I could only see the many people obscuring the space in front of me. An endless parade of people walking in zig-zags with no awareness of others around them; stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to check their maps; and treating some of the busiest streets in the world as they would a peaceful park, pleasantly strolling with no inkling that some of us have places to be.

Though I’m often able to avoid the busiest parts of Central London, that doesn’t solve the problem taking place on the underground train platform. Down there, Londoners move in rows that span the entire width of the walkable area and progress at a glacial pace, cut the line to get on the train, block the ticket barriers, lean against the stabilizing pole in the carriage at rush hour, or otherwise display antisocial behavior. So frustrating.

When I encountered this sort of mindless behavior, my heart rate quickened and my head seemed close to exploding from disproportionate rage. My own behavior worsened, too. I didn’t apologize when I pushed past the rows of hand-holders and out-of-towners. I huff passive-aggressively. I glare at people’s obtrusive backs.

Surrendering to the Masses

Part of me has always known that this frustration was hurting me alone—well, and the occasional victim of my slight (but ultimately reprehensible) elbowing. But gradually, as I strengthened my spirituality and mindfulness practice through the wisdom of great teachers, I came to an important realization. I was acting as if the bad behavior of London’s foot traffic population was an anomaly. As if on another day, everyone would magically act according to Iris’ Immutable Laws of Getting Around Town.

Spoiler: This day will never come. Instead, I’m left fighting an internal battle against a simple fact of life as a Londoner, letting my heart rate and stress levels rise as if I’m not already stressed out enough by things that actually matter.

There’s a prayer that’s often used in Alcoholics Anonymous, which author and speaker Gabby Bernstein and others regularly integrate into their teachings. It’s called the Serenity Prayer and it goes: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” 

Writing this prayer, reading it, hearing it, repeating it, all these simple actions feel like an instant weight lifted. These words tell me that this daily grievance, borne of a phenomenon I can’t avoid and which also doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, isn’t mine to carry. And though this realization hasn’t stopped me from feeling intense frustration on my commute, it has offered a chance to practice everyday mindfulness, and to protect my peace and mental health.

I won’t pretend that I’m suddenly an enlightened being, unbothered by overly pushy or relaxed London pedestrians. But awareness is the first step to all healing journeys.

5 Ways I’m Making My Commute More Mindful

Whenever I notice my internal irritation, I try to follow these steps to feel more centered and drop into a more mindful state on my way to my destination.

1. Setting an Intention

There’s ample research to suggest the power of visualization in helping one better handle a challenge. These days, I try to set an intention before I enter a crowded space to take the situation as it comes and visualize myself navigating it calmly. When I do, I am in fact far better equipped to actually navigate it calmly.

2. Moving Into Acceptance

Remembering the essence of the Serenity Prayer is usually enough to take me out of my self-righteous indignation and realize that I have no control over other people’s behavior. This gives me the space to focus instead on nice things: the music coming through my headphones, someone’s lovely dog, or the friend I’m on my way to meet.

3. Grounding

I’m not trying to be a horrible person when I get frustrated in a crowd. I’m just triggered.

Instead of blaming myself for not being the picture of calm, I try to remember my feet. Yep, just the existence and solidity of my feet, a trick my osteopath taught me that works wonders for anchoring in the safety of the present moment. It’s a reminder to be in my body and not let outside circumstances dictate how I feel. It’s literally a grounding practice.

4. Compassion for My Fellow Commuters

In the same way I’m not trying to be horrible when I’m in a crowd, neither are the people who make up that crowd. These people are trying to get safely to their destination. Some of them aren’t able to walk as fast as I am, some of them aren’t familiar with their surroundings, and some of them are just having a fun chat with their friends. And if I’m running late, that’s my fault, not theirs.

5. Physically Slowing Down

Time management isn’t my forte, so I often need to rush to get somewhere on time. But lately when I’m not in a hurry, I’m intentionally slowing down to match the collective pace, flowing with it instead of racing through tiny gaps in the crowd, and even (*gasps in Londoner*) standing on the escalator—on the right side, obviously.

And you know what? Accepting life as it is instead of futilely fighting it feels darn good.